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| Elizabeth Siddal - by John Everett Millais and his work "Ophelia" |
Blank Document
(I am not aMUSEd)
part 1
I opened Microsoft Word with no particular goal in mind. I stared unblinking at the GUI interface: “Blank Document.” That is how my brain feels lately. One big blank document filled with nothing noteworthy. I think real writers would call this phenomenon “writers block.”
I’m not a real writer. Those guys get paid for their work. I just jot shit down when I feel like it and lately…I haven’t had the inclination to jot down a shopping list. I have Alexa for that; “Alexa…add motivation to brain list.” She answers in that patronizing AI tone: “Good morning, Laurie – hmmm…I’m having trouble fulfilling that request.”
Maybe I should have asked Siri, whose name was derived from the Norwegian: Sigrid…meaning victory and beautiful! Alexa was named after a library and the hard pronunciation of the consonant "x". Pretty girls:1…Bookish girls: zip. Every.Single.Time.
Inspiration, I assume, is different for every writer. Some are inspired by the beauty and wonders of nature. Perhaps spiritual experiences for others. Then there is the muse. According to Wikipedia, a muse is: a person who provides creative inspiration to a person of the arts. Hmm…maybe I need one of those.
How does one go about the task of acquiring the elusive creature known as the muse? Do you just order one up? Find one laying along the roadside? Once again adorned in my NERD hat: “Alexa…order me up one of them muses.” There it is again, the patronizing AI tone: “Hmmmm….I don’t know that.” Do I freaking stutter? Louder and with more authority: “ALEXA…GET ME A MUSE.” As if a more upbeat response is less worthless than her previous worthless responses, she replies: “Hey Laurie! Here is your NEWS from Fox 10 Local!” Bitch.
I have abandoned my search for a muse. Perhaps it takes one to be one? I’m certain I have never been a muse to anyone or anything…or have I? There was this period of time, many years ago…when I inadvertently set out to inspire the entire Malheur County Patrol Unit to write me so many speeding tickets, the judge was inspired to write me a letter informing me that if I got one more, I’d be going to defensive driving school. Well, hot damn…I am a muse.
