I scanned through hundreds of folders containing thousands
of photos in search of the perfect one to commemorate my daughter’s birthday. I
could have chosen from dozens of staged, posed shots of an exceptionally beautiful
baby girl to the stunning woman she is today. I sifted through boxes of .35 mm
images of photogenic pre-schooler to prom queen.
We didn’t have a lot of money. We didn’t have any money, to
speak of. Just the two of us. A single mom and a kid some folks at the time
called: “underprivileged.” After-all, what could a kid, raised by a single mom
with no formal higher-education expect to accomplish in this world? Any damn
thing she desires. I say that now – 30 some years later ….at the time, it hurt.
If you are not careful, a person can begin to believe the words of others. I
thank God and a pinch of tenacity I stopped listening.
We didn’t have the resources to go to Disney Land, take real
vacations or buy fancy toys. An outing for us was a little different than
others I suspect. If we had the money, we would stop at Eddy’s day old bread
factory for a loaf to feed the ducks at the park. We would walk around the pond
making up stories about each duck; what their life was like and who they would
be if they were people.
The ducks in the pond gave me a kind of hope as well. I
figured no matter how bad things got – we could always come down here and kill
us a duck for dinner. I laugh at that now – at the time I was quite serious. I
never could see how people went hungry in the city with all the slow moving
water fowl that weren’t at all afraid of people. Need toilet paper? Public restrooms are full
of it.
One image caught my eye. Athena is maybe 4 years old. We are
filthy, soak-and-wet, smelling like fish guts and smiling from ear to ear. I
remember that day like it was yesterday. I chose this picture because to me it
reflects a lot of what our life was and who my daughter has become.
The picture was taken on one of our more
extravagant outings. We had enough gas to go “home” for the weekend. Home at
that time was Halfway Oregon. We drove toward Summit Lookout until we found a suitable
spot to pull over. We took the fishing gear we borrowed from my dad and
commenced to go fishing. It didn’t matter we had forgotten to get bait. Athena delighted
in splashing in the creek turning over rocks, plucking periwinkles and stuffing
them in her sandwich baggie (after she ate the peanut butter and jelly for
lunch). Periwinkles make excellent bait. Getting them on a hook is a different
story.
I can’t tell you if we caught any fish. I think we did. I
remember smelling like we did. What I do remember is how much fun we had.
Splashing in the creek. Hunting for periwinkles. Getting dirty from head to
toe. Propping up my camera, setting it on self-timer and racing back to get in
the photo and tripping over my own two feet multiple times before getting it
done. If digital cameras were available back then – I sure didn’t have one. I
was using the Minolta film camera I bought on lay-a-way at Ontario Camera. Is
there even such a thing as lay-a-way anymore? I doubt it. I imagine the credit
card has replaced the concept of receiving goods after they are paid for – even
if it took 2 years.
When I see this picture, I don’t see a single mom,
statistically preordained to amount to squat. I don’t see a child society has
labeled “underprivileged” and destined to struggle throughout life. I see a
little girl with the imagination to be entertained by a pond of ducks and the
heart to spend her pennies on bread to feed them. I see a little girl who
understands a person does not have to be wealthy to be rich. A little girl who
is rich in love, kindness and compassion for others. I see a little girl who
didn’t need the latest gadget to keep her entertained. I see a girl who could
spend hours hunting periwinkles, making mud pies and laughing until her belly
hurts, all without spending a dime.
I see my daughter and the person she has become. Beautiful
inside and out. Her compassion and kindness for others has grown with her.
Combined with faith in her Lord Jesus and the capacity to see the goodness in
others is a powerful combination. Her ability to forgive and find patience with
others far exceeds my own and leaves me humbled.
My daughter is a gift to me from God. I knew that the day
she was born and I know it today. She is the substance that keeps our often
bat-shit-crazy family together. She feels the emotional and spiritual pain of
everyone around her. She seems to absorb it as if to do so would spare them
from feeling it themselves. If I could take that one thing from her I would, but
I cannot. I am not strong enough.
Happy Birthday Athena Marie. May you always remember that
sometimes the best dinners are those you catch your-self.
Love Mom
