The long awaited arrival of my 10x16 Premier Building shed was another milestone in life lived off the grid. The building will serve as a tool shed, a tack room, a reloading room, storage and most importantly – a laundry room.
Unlike the “build on site” Tuff Shed for my Oregon property – the Premier Building arrived fully intact on the back of a large flatbed pulled by a semi that barely fit through the main entryway.
I marveled as I watched the sole deliverer of the shed unload the shed by himself. Unlike the Idahoan-hill-Billy do it yourself connex removal that shook the ground with a thud – the shed was gracefully brought to the ground via rollers and an automatic, tilting bed. Once on the ground, the shed needed to be rotated 90° for it to be orientated properly. No problem. Using a three wheeled fork lift type gadget – the delivery guy maneuvered the shed exactly where I wanted. A few leveling blocks and less than 20 minutes later and Wa-La. Instant laundry room. Where the heck was this thing when we were unloading my connex?!
I was excited to get items transferred from the connex into the new shed. First thing on the list...the washer machine. I'd been carrying the old washer around for two years. It's the old style Kenmore that has an agitator. The kind that actually gets your clothes clean! The new washers come with computerized control boards – will automatically order laundry detergent for you and have a gazillion different settings that take a PhD to understand. They also play six different annoying jingly tunes because that's important when washing your underwear. They can do damn near anything....anything except get your clothes clean.
I know the washer was in working order when it was given to me. Somewhere between 1200 miles and the impact of the connex falling off the flatbed...that all changed.
Getting to the washer in the connex was a feat in itself. I didn't exactly have a plan for packing when I left Eastern Oregon. I was in a hurry to get out. Basically, I threw my shit in there anyway I could get it and got the hell out of dodge. The washer was loaded first....behind every other conceivable item I owned. I had to move everything...boxes, furniture...you name it... out of the connex to get to the washer and then put everything back in. By the end of the day, I was so tired I wasn't exactly careful in handling it. It's a washer machine...what could go wrong?
I wiggled, twisted and drug it across the connex floor and onto a pallet resting on Miss Kitty's forks. During the process, the skin of the washer kept wanting to come completely unhinged. When I finally got it wrenched onto the pallet – I wrapped a ratchet strap around it to hold it all together. Probably should have done that in the beginning.
My first impulse was to unload it directly into the shed, plug her in and wash me up a load of dirty duds! That would be all good except I didn't yet have the shed plumbed for the drain or power. Maybe it would be a good idea to test it out first anyway. You know...just in case.
Remember, I am living off-the-grid. I drug out my heaviest extension cord, plugged one end into the generator and the other into the washer perched atop the pallet on my tractor. I attached a garden hose long enough to reach from the RV spigot to the back of the cold water inlet on the washer and hooked the drain hose over the forks. It wasn't quite level. I don't know if that would effect the functionality of the washer or not – but it looked a little too redneck all tilted like that. I fired up Miss Kitty and leveled the washer machine. Perfect.
I pushed the remote start on the generator, tossed in a medium load of laundry, a cup or so of All Free and Clear and let her rip. I watched with glee and anticipation. Water immediately began to fill the washer. I clapped my hands together with excitement! It was working! I watched the water continue to fill...and fill....and fill still more. Shouldn't it stop filling by now? The water level reached, most certainly, far above what a medium load would entail. Concern replaced glee as the water level threatened to breach the tub and spill into the chassis....the same chassis held precariously together by a ratchet strap. I slapped the control dial on the washer like an over zealous Jeopardy contestant: “Alex....who is the Maytag repairman and why is he lonely?”
I spun every dial and knob on the washer in an attempt to drain it. Nothing worked. The thing wouldn't do anything but fill. I manually drained it by putting the drain hose on the ground, tossed my soggy clothes in a tub and drug them to Crandall's in defeat.
It had to be something simple. I went about taking the washer apart to see what I could see. For something that wouldn't stay together without a ratchet strap – the damn thing was sure a pain in the ass to get apart. That seems to be the way it works. I use to work on computers and did a lot of hardware installation and repair. People think you are really smart if you work on computers. In actuality – fixing them is the easy part. Getting the case open is the hard part. It takes tenacity and the patients of a saint. Tenacity I have. I would not be defeated by a big metal box who's only purpose was to fill, agitate, spin and drain.
It was dark by the time I got the washer apart well enough to expose the working parts. I could see nothing obviously wrong – but standing on your head inside a wash tub holding a flashlight in your mouth didn't make seeing anything particularly easy. All the wires seemed to terminate properly...no burnt terminals – no fried components – a little hose that seemed to go nowhere important. It must be possessed. The washer was indwelt with little Kenmore demons and I was condemned to washing my clothes at the West Plaza laundromat for the rest of my life. It won't be all bad. Maybe my cross dresser friends are still there. I could use another shirt. (If you missed that...you'll have to go back to my first series of blogs “The Pumpkin Cheesecake Diaries” to figure that one out.)
My typical repair jobs usually go something like this: I take the thing in need of repair apart after searching 3 different trailers and 2 buildings for needed tools, scrape the skin off several knuckles, say a few choice words - stare at working/nonworking components with clueless, stupefied deer in the headlights look. Scratch head. Put everything back together with the exception of one screw that mysteriously materializes out of nowhere...toss screw over shoulder and pray. Miraculously, 9 times out of 10 the thing starts working.
Not today. Not the Kenmore washer from hell. I put everything back together – turned it on (without clothes this time...I'm slow but I learn) and pray. The thing continued to fill with water until I shut it off and manually drained it. Fabulous. It was time to get out the big guns. It was time for U-Tube.
I pulled up U-Tube and typed in the search query: “Kenmore washer continually fills – won't drain.” Apparently I am not the only Do-It-Yourself'er too cheap to hire a repairman. The first batch of results scrolled across my monitor: PRESSURE TUBE NOT ATTATCHED. Ah ha! That stupid little clear tubing that seemed to go nowhere. I've got you now, Kenmore.
Come morning – I once again tore the washer apart – skinned a couple more knuckles – said a few more choice words and located the plastic tubing. It was indeed disconnected from the pressure switch thingie-ma-bopper. I reconnected the hose - reassembled the washer – fired up the generator and switched on the washer machine. They say a watched pot never boils but I was transfixed on the filling of that washer. Inch by inch the water rose...closer and closer to the level I assumed appropriate for a small load. My heart beat faster with the rising. The suspense was palpable. Moments before I considered throwing in the towel, the Kenmore made an audible clicking tone and the water ceased to flow. I fixed my own washer machine! I am a freaking genius.
I thought it best to let the cycle finish before declaring victory and tossing in a real load. If my calculations are correct – the agitate, drain and spin cycles should be next. How long does the washer set in this seemingly stagnant portion of the cycle? Thirty second? Three minutes? Thirty minutes?
I didn't want to appear impatient – no sense pissing off the Kenmore demons anymore than necessary. I decided to run to the post office and stop at the Coyote for an ice tea. This demonic exorcism was thirsty work.
Back from the Post Office and a jumbo ice tea in hand, I peered into the washer. A pathetic whimper escaped from deep within my throat at the discovery of the washer still stuck in non-draining limbo.
I'm pretty sure I saw a used washer for sale at the last Taco Tuesday flea market. I didn't want to spend the money on a new washer and buying used somehow felt less embarrassing than admitting defeat by taking it to a real appliance repairman?
I wasn't ready to give up just yet. Back to U-Tube. Search query: “Kenmore washer won't enter drain cycle.” Results: POSSIBLE LID SWITCH MALFUNCTION.” Either the lid lever could be broken off or the switch itself could be bad. There were numerous videos on how to test for the switch and a few showing how to bypass it altogether...although for safety reasons this method was highly discouraged. Safety my butt...if the switch was bad, that puppy was getting bypassed!
One of the videos not only showed how to look for the switch, but gave excellent step by step instructions on how to properly (and easily, I might add) access the control panel WITHOUT taking the whole damn washer apart. Where was this video 24 hours ago?
I verified the little plastic lid pin thingie was intact and accessed the control panel. I unplugged the lid switch mechanism from the control panel, unscrewed the grounding wire and went to feeling between the tub and the top of the washer skin for the lid switch. It fell into my hand in pieces. Either the jarring from the connex dropping off the flatbed broke it or my continued wrenching on it during moving it and attempted repairs did the trick. I'm guessing the latter.
I was pretty sure the switch was in working order - it just wasn't in the proper place to be activated by the lid pin when the lid was closed. I ran a test by manually engaging the lid switch with a screwdriver. The washer immediately entered the agitation cycle...scaring the shit out of me. I thought I'd been electrocuted. I jumped back – fell off the pallet, knocked over my ice tea and sent the screwdriver flying into the horse pen. Jack did not look impressed. There are times when I think I might be an embarrassment to that horse.
I don't have the patience to order another switch...especially since the problem wasn't the switch itself but the mounting bracket and screws holding the switch in place. A little super glue should fix it right up. Unless....unless I bypass it altogether. I've come this far, why not improve on it! I could bypass the switch...increase the wire gauge and amp up the agitation cycle 100 fold. Then I could insert a blue tooth component to sync with my phone and develop an app to control it remotely. Add some WiFi capability and I could potentially wash clothes from anywhere in the world! I truly am a washing machine repair genius.
Yeah...images of the Red Green show come to mind. Images of the washer machine suddenly exploding and vaulting toward space with me in it. “If you can't be handsome...be handy” doesn't really apply here, either. I think it best to skip the upgrades and stick with super glue and duct tape.
So now I have the pressure hose attached and the lid switch super glued, screwed and duct taped into it's proper place. It was go time. Attach the garden hose to the inlet, hang the drain hose over Miss Kitty's forks, fire up the generator and select the smallest load and fastest wash time on the knobs and pull up a chair. It might not hurt to have a bowl of holy water handy as well.
I am proud to announce the successful completion of a wash cycle from start to finish. It was a proud moment. A moment to strike joy in the heart of any true American Do-It-Your-Damn-Selfer. I can't help but imagine out there someplace – Red Green is nodding with approval as well.
That evening, I poured myself a small glass of Fireball and Cranberry Juice and settled into a reclining lawn chair. The stars began to push their way through the darkening night. Plumbing the shed for the washer could wait for tomorrow. In the meantime, I raised my glass in toast to all of the Do-It-Your-Selfers and to all of the Red Greens out there. Also a special toast for the lonely Maytag Repairman: “Here's to less lonely times for you. Might I suggest if you are truly bored...take up working on Kenmore's. I for one can attest to the experience being anything but mundane. And remember – if you can't be handy....be tenacious.
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