Recent experience has made me more than a little gun shy when it comes to taking a person up on offers of help. That's a story for another time I suppose. Suffice it to say – Cousin Phil is not “other people.” I have deduced he is either: 1. A glutton for punishment or 2. He is bored out of his ever loving mind. He assures me it's more 2 with just a tad bit of 1 to keep things interesting. You can take him at his word. If he say's he wants to do something – he means it. There is no ulterior motive. He's just as likely to tell you to take a flying leap if it's something he doesn't want to do. That's how people should be, in my book. No misunderstandings – no surprises. It sure makes life less complicated.
With that in mind, when Phil shows up most every day to help put in a water line, work on the arena or cross fence a pasture...I try very hard not to work him to death. Not only would doing so leave me without an awesome friend and cheap laborer – but I'm more than a little afraid of what his daughter, Jessie, would do to the person directly responsible for his demise. Kill you and bury you in her back yard is what she would do... and rightfully so. You don't mess with Jessie's dad.
You are still here so I assume you've seen it already or you are not a 007 fan. While I'm not a die hard fan, I appreciate any chance to see Daniel Craig shirtless. With that said....WTF were they thinking? You do not kill off an international icon and replace them with a seven foot tall black woman. Before you accuse me of being racist – I am most certainly not. But replacing Sean and Daniel with a giant female is like replacing Tomb Raider with Danny DeVito. It is simply not done.
10-10-21: The disadvantage to living off the grid is you don't have a real address. Residents of Aguila are required to obtain a PO box if they want to receive mail. For packages, UPS manages to find most of us out here. Until now, most packages delivered to the Rancho De Vaqueros via UPS end up at Crandall's. The UPS driver said it would be a good idea to put up a sign pointing to my property with my name on it. Challenge accepted.
I don't have much building materials with me since moving. I got rid of most everything I own sans sentimental items and a few tools. Combine that with the scarcity of wood in these parts and coming up with a quick sign before my next Amazon delivery was proving difficult.
My first attempt was a piece of cardboard with my name, an arrow pointing to my place and “UPS this way!” written in permanent marker tied to a T post with baling twine. It lasted less than 10 seconds...ripping off in the wind.
Most difficult in my quest for sign making material was preventing Phil from swiping county barricade sandwich boards and anything else not nailed down. Actually – it could be nailed down and he'd still try to rip it out of the ground. “Nobody's used this in years. It won't be missed.” Phil...I spent 21 years in prison. I ain't going back. Get in the truck.
Phil showed up on a morning we planned to ride with an old pallet and a piece of oddly shaped plywood. He “claims” they were just laying around on a vacant lot near his property. I didn't question it. I figure I wasn't with him when he “found” them and couldn't be considered an accessory in the commission of a crime that may or may not have taken place. I've rehearsed this story over and over should it become necessary.
I set about making my sign. A little white paint – a thick black permanent marker and a handful of torx screws and the most beautiful sign a girl could imagine unfolded beneath my hands.
I drug the pallet sign to the head of my driveway - sunk two T posts pallet width apart and slipped the sign over the posts. There it was. A beacon pointing to what has become my off the grid abode: “El Rancho Gitano Del Desierto.” It brings a tear to my eye – mostly from fear that Dave Crandall is going to kill me.
As my basket of laundry sat on one side of the sign and Hank on the other – I snapped a picture for prosperity...and to post it on Facebook because well...something that epic needs to be shared on Facebook. I captioned the photo: “The only thing that would make this photo more awesome is if Hank were a southern blue tick hound.” Dave's reply was easily the best Facebook comment of all time: “ My god we have to get some subdivision covenants in place !”
No comments:
Post a Comment