El Rancho Gitano Del Desierto

NORMAN AND THE PURPLE PRIMER CURSE 

10-3-2021:  Walmart's got nothing on The Family Dollar here in Aguila. You run into some interesting characters. I can't help but wonder if those characters are always around or I just happen to attract them.

I've been living out of the Dollar store since my arrival a week ago. They have everything a person needs to survive for the most part. Especially if a person has a cast iron stomach. I do not. I have to be careful when perusing the meat section in particular. I've never seen bacon with quite the green'ish hue to it as can be found at the FD. Like every self respecting red blooded American – I love bacon, but I'm going to have to pass until I get to Safeway.

I pushed my cart down the housewares isle...or as close to housewares as I could determine. The FD does not pride itself on it's merchandising or organizational skills. If you need it, they probably have it, but your going to have to work to find it. I love a good treasure hunt...maybe that's why I get a kick out of shopping there.

My search this day entailed light bulbs and Kleenex. I found the Kleenex several isles west of the paper goods section and light bulbs buried on the bottom shelf of the toy isle. “Keep out of reach of Children” prominently stamped on the box face. Of course they would be here.

A man pushing a cart passed by my isle...abruptly stopped...backed up and turned his cart my direction. He pushed the cart with both hands evenly spaced and stared straight ahead. He was dressed in beige from his shirt to his tennis shoes. His skin and hair color the same neutral tone.

His narrow shoulders seemed fused straight down too his knees. If it weren't for the light brown belt holding up his high waist slacks...you might think he had no waist at all. His legs bent out in an upside down V from the knees to his duck-toed walk. As he walked, it appeared as if he did so from the knees down only...in sort of a shuffle fashion.

He had a cheerful if not odd aura about him as he shuffled toward me and stopped inches from my cart. He leaned forward a bit, squint eyed and spoke in a heavy, New York type accent. I don't know how to type a New York accent – so your just going to have to imagine it. “YOU LOOK LIKE THAT ACCTRESS. WHAT'S HER NAME. I CAN'T THINK. I''LL GET IT. IT'LL COME TO ME. YOU LOOK LIKE HER THOUGH. I LIKE HER. SHE'S A GOOD ACTRESS. THE MOVIES SHES IN ARENT COMEING TO ME RIGHT NOW. I'LL THINK OF IT. I LIKE HER. SHE'S A GOOD ONE. HANG ON. I'LL BE BACK “

Norman...I'm going to call him Norman. He just reminds me of a Norman. Maybe it's because he sounds a lot like Billy Crystal and I just watched City Slickers the other day. So Norman...abruptly reverses his cart and shuffles around the corner.

A few minutes later, Norman shuffles back. “SANDRA BULLOCK. THAT'S HER. YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HER. OK WELL. THAT'S ALL.”

Norman reverses his cart and shuffles backwards from the knees down around the isle corner and is gone in a New York second. Well, I'll be damned. I guess there are worse people to resemble. Phyllis Diller or Whoopie Goldberg come to mind.

Norman continued to shuffle his cart around the store as I made my way to the checkout. I could hear his loud, New York accent from the hallway leading to the bathrooms. A large printout hung on each door: BATHROOMS OUT OF ORDER. Norman bangs his cart against a door. “WHY AREN'T THE BATHROOMS OPEN. DO I NEED A KEY OR SOMETHING. WHERE'S THE KEY. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE BATHROOMS.” He spoke in more direct statements than actually posing any questions. He made me chuckle.

I ran my debit card, gathered up my bagged items and headed for the exist. As I pushed open the heavy glass doors, a heavily accented voice rang out from somewhere in the Family Dollar isles: “GOODBYE SANDRA!!”

10-4-2021: It is time to get things moving along. I'd been waiting until Monday to run into Ewing Landscaping in Surprise for the material to put in the water line to my horses and RV. My shipping container is yet to be removed from the flatbed. Karen and Jeff graciously offered to loan me their 16' bumper pull.

My friend, Cousin Phil, agreed to meet at my place by 7:00 AM to ride into Surprise with me. I can't remember exactly why we call him Cousin Phil. I think it had to do with an introduction years ago that involved a guy with the same last name but actually no relation. Cousin Phil just stuck. I think he can consider himself lucky his last name wasn't the same as one of our female shooting friends or “Auntie Phil” may have stuck!

Phil has moved to Arizona full time along with his daughter Jess and son-in-law, Brett. They will be living a short 20 minutes from me. I'm pretty excited about that. It's nice to have family and friends somewhat close. Especially until the rest of my clan gets here for the winter.

Phil and I pulled into Jeff and Karen's around 8:00 AM. Jeff helped Phil hook up the trailer while Karen ran in the house after some “bagged goodies” she had for us. Now, I've spent the last few months in Oregon. You can understand I might be a little gun shy when somebody offers up a “bag” of anything. I was ecstatic and more than a little relieved, when the “bag of goodies” comprised of half a dozen pretzel sticks dipped in caramel and wrapped in every sinful candied-chocolate morsel you can imagine. We call them SOAPS (sex on a pretzel stick). Karen is a phenomenal baker and SOAPS are my favorite of her creations.

I know what I need for various projects – but I seldom know the technical terms. Pipe, fittings and spigot types are no exception. I know I need elbows, T's and reducers. I need the pipe with the flared end so I don't have to use separate splicer thingies. I'll need the blue and the purple goop to stick it all together and a little roll of the white tape stuff for the threaded connections.

We managed to get most of the correct pipe, fittings and PVC cement. When it came to spigots however, a different story. If you want to get a really weird look from people...ask an Arizonian if they sell stop and waste spigots. Deer in the headlights. No response. How about a frost free? “Frost? We don't get frost here in this part of Arizona ma'am.” Pardon me, son...but yes WE do. It freezes for 20 minutes most every morning in the winter season between 5:45 AM and 6:05 AM. I know. That's when I clean pens and fill water troughs. If you don't leave a light over the pump, you won't have water for 20 minutes and Dave will dock your pay.

We finished out our supply list at Lowe's complete with red flagging for the 4' overhang of pipe. Back at the ranch – Phil looked at the trench: “I don't think that's deep enough.” He's right. The ditcher digs fairly deep – but the dirt dumps back into the trench..filling it with soft dirt from it's wake. I'd have to use Miss Kitty's bucket and scoop out the loose dirt. It didn't take too long. Two good scoops for every bucket width and the 360' trench was good to go.

We laid out the material and discovered we were missing one connector that fits between the 1.5” pipe and the ¾ “ reducer. Not wanting to drive clear to Wickenburg, Phil would try Adolfo's Hardware in Aguila. Much like the Family Dollar – if Adolfo doesn't have it – you probably don't need it. I finished the trench while Phil headed for town. Adolfo did indeed have the part we needed.

I have yet to finish a plumbing project without spilling the purple primer and/or blue PVC cement. We were doing good up to the very last fitting. We should have had purple and blue goo to spare. True to all good curses – somehow the purple primer got upended spilling 90% of it. Fortunately, the cement is thicker consistency....when I reached for the primer and knocked the cement over, it didn't spill out nearly as much. Thankfully, we were able to manipulate that little round dobber to pick up enough purple primer to finish the job. If anyone finds themselves primer poor but shy cement - have  our people call my people. 

By the time we were finished, I was blue and purple from my fingers to elbows. I can't seem to do anything without making a total mess. If I ever washed my face before going into town, nobody would recognize me. Not necessarily a bad thing most days.

It was the moment of truth. Time to charge the line and check for leaks. My water comes from a shared well over 1300 feet to the south. That is a lot of pipe and potential problems. I turned the water on at the source and walked the trench keeping fingers and toes crossed. Satisfied there were no issues, I headed back to the RV for the night. I'd leave the water on...if there were still no issues by morning – the trench could be back-filled. I was one step closer to moving onto my property. One step closer to living my dream.